I find that having made the decision to continue practicing law, it has become a lot easier to do the "things that need to be done." I have a sense of peace in having decided where I am headed and how, in broad strokes, I will get there. 

In dedicating my continuing practice to my sister, I am finding a way to use the grief I feel everyday. This constant connection between what I accomplish at work, and her spirit encouraging me to achieve more, is a constructive way to work through the grief. 

Everyday is like a minefield of memories. I was cleaning out the conference room at work and came across a box of pictures that she had kept here. Along with her friends' pictures and some arty ones, was a picture of me laughing and joyous. I realized that she kept that particular photo because that was how she always wanted see me - laughing and joyful.  

Unfortunately, the way to that land of happiness lies through the morass of grief that I struggle with every day. I am trudging along, waiting for the dawn. Victor Hugo said it best in his poem Demain dès l'aube. 

I love you kiddo. Good night.